


45 days

by oujiyuuto



Category: Pentagon (Korea Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - High School, Fluff, Implied/Referenced Homophobia, M/M, but also trying to get out of a shitty town, its literally just soft yuki writing a love song
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-09-27
Updated: 2019-05-10
Packaged: 2019-07-18 02:46:56
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 12
Words: 21,841
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16109189
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/oujiyuuto/pseuds/oujiyuuto
Summary: hyunggu is the only out kid in their small community, one of two in town. his coming out was huge news, but his life hasn't been sunshine and rainbows since he came out almost 3 years ago. there's no point in him staying in this rotten town, except for the interesting former baseball prodigy.yuto feels like he's the only closeted kid in town, and he only knows he can’t be straight because of kang hyunggu. that boy made his mind race faster than anything else. but not even a beauty like hyunggu could keep him tied to this dreary city any longer.when a joint class assignment brings them together, their love blooms like the spring around them. but can they handle what challenges that love brings?





	1. adachi yuto

**Author's Note:**

> OOF i really liked writing my first fic so i started this one but it went a completely different direction than i first intended OOPS ;; i really wanted this to be another one shot but i'm up to 6.5k (unedited) words with a whole timeline to get through still, so i guess this is gonna be a bit longer? i'm still getting back into the hang of writing, so i really hope it doesn't get too confusing ;;  
> thank you for all the comments and kudos on my last fic! i was surprised it was so well received ahh it made me happy to wake up to new kudos and comments.... i hope this one does well!  
> edit: i can't seem to put any notes at the end of the fix without it attaching it to all following chapters so uhh i'll just put any notes in the summary LOL sorry abt that

april 17th. 45 days to graduation. 45 days to freedom and the day he was able to live how he wanted. he was accepted into his first choice college, he had enough saved up from his job that he didn’t have to come back except for summer breaks. he could leave the life that’s been suffocating him for 18 years.

there was just one thing that kept him tied to that town: kang hyunggu.

now, no one in his city knew that yuto was gay, but everyone there and in the 3 surrounding towns knew about kang hyunggu, the first openly gay man in the area in decades. he had come out when he was about 15, to much acceptance from the whole community. his parents were proud of their son, and a lot of the girls suddenly took an interest in him (how ironic). many teachers seemed a bit off after the announcement, but by his senior year, most have come around to the idea.

the entire community was extremely supportive and respectful. the entire community, that is, except for the adachi family. they were a traditional family, through and through, constantly berating yuto about his dating life and what his marriage plans were for the future. he was a handsome man, they said, he would have no issues finding the right girl, if he would just find a practical career. they wanted him to go into business or something more reliable in such a competitive market.

yuto wanted to study music theory. his high school required at least one extra curricular away from the ones they would usually take (if they had been on a foreign language course, they had to pick a class outside of that, etc.) and ever since he switched from history studies to music, he felt like the hole that was missing in his life was finally filled. the way music seemed to wrap around him and comfort him after long days spent with useless calculations and continuing to ease through PE classes, and it was something he had never felt before.

his parents were disappointed when he said he wanted to pursue music theory. by his parents, it was really just his father that was disappointed; his mother was actually thrilled for him, even going so far as to buy him a cheap keyboard for his birthday earlier that year so he could practice composing his own songs. his father, on the other hand, was upset that his only son wanted to do something so trivial and meaningless like music instead of studying business or law to properly oversee the family once the time comes.

the last thing yuto wanted anything to do with was business, and it had always been that way. even before he discovered how beautiful music could be, he had wanted to go to college for his degree in education or physiology, neither of which fit his father’s definition of a good enough career path.

but he never cared. he never struggled with wanting to make his parents happy or working towards their approval. his grades and recommendations were good enough that he was able to get almost a full ride to a basic university just far enough away that it would be too inconvenient to come back too often. he wouldn’t have to see his father’s stern disappointment until the school practically demanded it.

he wanted to be free.


	2. kang hyunggu

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> (kiss the girl plays in the background as hyunggu contemplates his fixation on the beautiful baseball boy)

april 18th. 44 days. each day, it felt like graduation day just gets further and further away.

he was sick of being “the gay kid.” he sometimes wished he had never made coming out such a big deal, but he knew the decision was ultimately for the best. it was just irritating at that point to look around and see boys he knew he had no shot with or girls who thought they still had a shot with him. there seemed to be no place for him at the school, not one that seemed to completely fit him.

college was the only way he would get a fresh start. in such a small city like that one, it was large enough to have two high schools but the community he ended up in was completely linked together, so it was impossible for him to escape the looks he got. one gay kid in an entire high school? he refused to believe he was the only one in a school of over a thousand, but no one else ever spoke up after his coming out, so he just assumed he’d only be known as “the gay one” until he was able to leave for good.

once he was able to get out, he had no intention of ever coming back. he had friends that he had made the year before going to the same college he was accepted into that opened their door to him any time. the only thing that kept him from dropping everything as soon as they offered was someone who was always on his mind:

the cute baseball boy.

he never knew his name, as truthfully, he never stood out. but he just loved watching him during PE class, how fluid his movements were and just how strong he looked. he knew he had no chance with him, but he figured looking wasn’t wrong, right? as long as he had no hopes for a future, it was ok.

the baseball boy was in his year, so they would graduate together. he figured that would be the only time he’d actually learn his name, so nothing would hold him to the town after that day. a name was nothing without a background, to which he had none. hyunggu would be out of that high school the day after graduation; on june 2nd, he would be fully moved into his new home for the next 4 years and never have to think about the cute baseball boy ever again.

he still didn’t know what he wanted to be. he seemed to like singing, so music theory was always a good option, but after being forced to assist at his mother’s local daycare, he’s discovered his love for childcare. he loved seeing children light up when they’re able to speak their minds and not feel patronized. when he was able to make a lovely smile form on their face just from being there for them… the happiness he felt was unexplainable.

his parents were fairly supportive of wherever he decided to go in life, but they wanted him to be happy in whatever he chose. they didn’t want him to make any rash decisions, which is why he was so hesitant to declare his major as child care. he was able to convince his college counselor to let him attend his first year undeclared, but there would be no extension after his first year: any later than that, he would have to leave until he was able to declare a major. he constantly felt pressure on his shoulders to figure his life out, even if he had put that pressure there himself.

all he hoped for was a sign. something to show him that something was about to go right in his life, something that would tell him he was making the right decision somewhere.

who knew that sign would come in the form of a flyball to the head?


	3. fate

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> y’all i’m so sorry omg i swear work destroyed me but i promise i have up thru ch 5 done ;; jst haven’t been able to get it all up aHHHH be prepared for a lot of pining

“ball!” yuto shouted, guessing it would land far beyond the fence where a faculty member would have to grab it. but when he heard the screech come from the distance, he took off towards the sound, hoping no one was hurt. “ _ shit _ ,” he groaned as he sprinted towards the now collapsed boy, hands gripping his hair tightly and unintelligible grumbling coming from his throat. yuto bent down and tried to move the hands away from the top of his head to get a better look at how bad it was. “hey, are you ok--” ****

hyunggu snapped his neck up to face the strong baseball boy, ready to scream about how careless and horrible he was, but his voice caught in his throat when he saw the beautiful athlete right in front of him.  _ fuck _ , he thought.  _ he’s really pretty. like, really really pretty. _ the pain from the top of his head pushed his train of thought right off its tracks, and he couldn’t help but double over again to grab where the ball had attacked his scalp.

he felt slender, gentle hands cover his own, a blush sprinkling on his high cheeks at the feeling of such a gentle touch. “you need to move your hands,” the baseball beauty whispered roughly. his voice was like sweet caramel, smooth and rich to listen to. hyunggu shuddered thinking of all the things he wanted him to say, none of which were, “i need to see if there’s a crack in your skull,” but at least he got to hear him talk. he slowly moved his hands as he felt the boy’s fingers run over his scalp, his stomach knotting from being so close to him.

now, yuto wasn’t a man of much outward emotion; he laughed at jokes and could show anger when someone really pissed him off, but it wasn’t like him to show how flustered he was or how much he was struggling to keep his voice steady. his heart was beating so fast, realizing how close he was to hyunggu, even if it was under such horrible circumstances. maybe his hands lingered just a bit too long when searching for the point of impact; if it was an excuse to run his hands through hyunggu’s violet-scented hair, he would linger as long as he could.

once he was able to find just where the ball hit hyunggu’s head, he discovered that the boy was bleeding. though, based on the amount of blood, it just barely pierced the skin, so a simple patch up would do fine. he tried to find a faculty, but most were with the freshmen helping them with relays, so he had to take matters into his own hands. “we need to get you to the nurse,” he said hurriedly, seeming to roll out as one word rather than a cohesive sentence. “you’re umm… you’re bleeding a bit.”

suddenly, hyunggu’s legs went to jelly, his body completely collapsing onto the ground at the baseball boy’s feet. bleeding? oh no no no he couldn’t be bleeding anything  _ but  _ bleeding would be real great right now.

dying. dying would be better right now.

yuto gulped as he knelt down to meet hyunggu, gently resting a hand on his arm. “i can carry you there, it’s ok,” he whispered to him, voice slowly becoming unsteady. it was dangerous to let himself be so physically close to the boy he had been pining after for months, but it was even more dangerous to not take hyunggu to the nurse in the next 10 minutes. “we need to get that checked on, it’s risky to wait much longer.”

hyunggu nodded, trying his best to sit up, but his weak body just wouldn’t let him. as he started to fall over again, the baseball god caught him, his arms much stronger than they looked. if this boy got any more perfect, there would begin to be some problems--

in no time at all, yuto lifted hyunggu up onto his knees, propping him up just long enough to turn around and lift him up onto his back. he steadied himself and started over to the nurse’s office, feeling kino’s oddly limp body bounce on his back. he couldn’t help but smile to himself, feeling kino’s arms wrapped around his shoulders so tightly. he swears he can feel the boy eventually settle into his back, but he writes it off as his hopeful imagination and continues to speed towards the nurse’s office, praying hyunggu isn’t bleeding out on his back.

 

====

 

the nurse patches up hyunggu fairly quickly, but recommends that he go home as soon as possible. she formally checks him out of all afternoon classes and left the two boys alone momentarily to file some paperwork.

reaching up to touch where the nurse put the bandages, hyunggu winced. she claimed it was nothing serious - “but painkillers wouldn’t hurt” - but he was skeptical. he  _ did  _ just get knocked in the head with a flyball and she didn’t seem to do much. he felt a pair of dark eyes on him, the baseball boy staring at him intently. he tilted his head at him, realizing he didn’t have much to say; especially without knowing his name.

yuto rubbed the back of his neck nervously, not knowing where to begin. of all ways to introduce himself to hyunggu, this was not his ideal scenario. he couldn’t help but look at the bandages wrapped so tightly around the young boy’s head and feel a twinge of grief in his heart. obviously, it was a flyball - the intention was never to hit someone with a professional-grade baseball - so he doesn’t know why he feels such empathy seeing hyunggu in pain.

he sighs and locks eyes with hyunggu. “i’m really sorry about… all of this,” he managed weakly, wondering why his voice has next to no strength remaining. “i don’t think we’ve ever been formally introduced. i’m adachi yuto, i think PE must be the only class we have together.” he gingerly reaches his hand out, hoping hyunggu at least doesn’t knock it away.

_ yuto. his name is yuto. _ the name bounced around in his head, seeming to provide some sort of comfort in the situation. if anything, he no longer had to refer to his beautiful attacker as “the baseball boy.” he shook yuto’s hand weakly, his body still feeling loose and jelly-like from seeing his own blood. “i’m kang hyunggu, but a lot of people just call me kino.” he tightened his grip on yuto’s hand for a split second before letting go, taking a mental note of just how soft and warm his hand felt.

although a bit disappointed that he couldn’t properly take in how small and delicate kino’s hands really felt, he was happy just to get the opportunity. he never expected to even get this far, within just a meter of the boy he had been so smitten over for so long. normally he would just watch him in PE class or spot him in his homeroom during lunch… it was just a dream to actually interact with him.

yuto stood up suddenly, nodding towards the door. “do you wanna go somewhere?” he asked quietly, not really having a plan in mind. he figured,  _ if i get a yes, i’ll figure out where to go. if i get a no, which i will, i’ll offer to at least take him home. it’s a win-win situa-- _

kino sprung up from the bed and nodded furiously, his face practically begging to be taken away from the school. “anywhere,” he said breathlessly, dreaming of being somewhere other than that stuffy high school any longer. he still had 44 days, but what was half of one to the other 43?

his eagerness brought a smile to yuto’s lips, as they both ran out of the nurse’s office, a slight skip in both of their steps.


	4. future

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> oof two updates in two days? i must be on a roll y'all  
> honestly i have thru ch 7 finished but i need to proofread it all again bc i definitely missed a lot of grammar errors on ch3 OOPS but anyways continue to enjoy yuki's dumb pining

after grabbing their bags from their respective homeroom, they met down by the front doors, yuto already mounted on his moped and fiddling with the helmet. kino threw up an eyebrow, not expecting the beautiful classic moped he often stared at to belong to the cool and suave adachi yuto. yuto rolled his eyes and patted the back of his seat, scooching as far up as he possibly could. kino’s small build fit perfectly behind yuto with room to spare, but he was a bit afraid of leaning too far back; his heart was still racing from carrying him up to the nurse’s office.

as they took off from the front of the school, he felt kino’s hands try to grab onto his jacket without wrapping his arms around his waist, and his heart skipped a beat. how was it possible for him to get any more adorable? yuto chuckled and grabbed one of kino’s hands, moving it to his stomach and leaning back slightly to give him more security. he felt kino lace his other arm around his waist and lean onto his back, a spark shooting up yuto’s spine.

he knew this was dangerous. as much as he felt that he liked kino, he didn’t know what those sort of feelings really felt like. he pretended to date girls in the past, but none of them seemed like what he was looking for, so anything he said he felt always ended up being fake. the only thing he knew was that he thought kino was beautiful and that he wasn’t expecting to even talk to him before their graduation.

yuto was perfect. his back was just broad enough to completely settle against but not so big that it felt overwhelming. his arms fit perfectly around his surprisingly small waist, and he could feel just how solid the boy was built. he tried not to make it too obvious how at ease he was, despite the possible concussion building in his head, but he couldn’t help but nuzzle his head against yuto’s back. the small bumps on the road moved him slightly closer to yuto, and with each movement of the moped, he swore he felt yuto move back into his touch, but he wrote it off as his hopeful imagination and stayed swimming in his ever rising ocean of thoughts.

eventually, yuto ended up at a cliff that overlooked the forest that surrounded their city, a place he found himself at often. it’s where he was able to compose his first piece, despite all of its flaws, and where he did a majority of his deep thinking. if he wanted to have a chance at even being kino’s friend, he thought this would be the perfect place to start talking.

kino carefully stepped off the moped and laid down in the overgrown grass, feeling the spring wind dance through the field and up onto his skin. he hadn’t ever been to this particular spot in town, but he loved just sitting outside and feeling the nature around him, hoping the wind would one day carry with it the answers to all his worries. it never did, but he still trusted the wind with more than he could admit.

he felt yuto lie down next to him, just far away enough to feel a universe away, but close enough to reach out and just barely touch. he sighed into the breeze and spread his arms as far as he could without grazing yuto’s arm, fearing the outcome of too much more contact. “i love feeling the breeze, especially at this time of the year,” he breathed, his voice carrying sweetly into yuto’s ears. “it feels like it’s bringing something new with it everyday.”

yuto nodded and threw his arms behind his head, beginning to contemplate the situation he’s gotten himself into. news that kino cut class with the once local baseball prodigy is probably already murmuring through the usually quiet halls of their school, and by 6 it will reach the rest of the community they lived in. there was risk of him getting outed, but unless something drastic happened with him and kino, he had nothing to worry about. he wanted to get through these last 44 days with minimal issues, and he was determined to make that happen.

but looking over at kino through the breezy grass made his heart flip. his face alone seemed sculpted by the gods, but his smile was a golden light in such a dreary town. he had such a small and delicate build, yuto felt like holding him too tight may break him. there was no stopping his heart or the way kino had always made him feel, but he couldn’t risk messing up his plans of finally being rid of life in such a miserable town, and unfortunately, being involved with kino was too much risk.

there was no way yuto was gay, life couldn’t work out that well. a dreamboat like him, in such a god awful and boring town like theirs? kino had never been so lucky in his life. up until just a year ago, he wasn’t even sure he would ever be able to get out of that town, unsure he would ever find a path he could stick to. nothing ever felt like enough until he started working at the daycare, but he was even second guessing his decision about child care. nothing ever seemed to just line up perfectly with no internal bickering in his life, so why should it start now?

yuto took a deep breath in and exhaled slowly, thinking his next words through carefully: “to be honest, i’ve wanted to talk to you for a long time now. i go with wooseok to your homeroom sometimes and i’ve always wanted to get to know you.”

“really?” kino is genuinely confused. no one’s ever really wanted to get to know him unless it was for boy advice (girls) or advice on how to be a better boyfriend (boys), ie always ulterior motives. other than his best friends, shinwon and hyojong, it was impossible to find anyone to really talk to. he sighed and smiled, leaning back into the safety of the grass. “you caught my eye too, you know, mr. baseball star.”

that brought a smile to yuto’s face. “i haven’t exactly played on a team in 3 years, mr. kang,” he chuckled, looking up at the oddly cloudless sky. “i only play in PE class now. i couldn’t play because of an injury before, but now i’ve found something better.” he looked over to make sure kino was still listening only to find the boy’s wide, studious eyes locked on him. “you know how we have to take an alternative elective?”

kino scoffed, thinking to his alternative: creative writing. he was never a writer, but it was the only elective he could take that was available and that was far enough away from his previous ones to count for their alternate credit. “unfortunately. i got stuck with creative writing, and i still don’t know how i’m passing it,” he complained. “everything i write feels so awful, especially my poems. they don’t even rhyme!” he lets out a chuckle and receives a similar response from yuto; music to his ears.

“i have to take music theory,” yuto countered. “i thought it would be a lot worse, especially since i’d never touched a single instrument in my life, but the actual theories behind composing music are so nice to study and play with. i still can’t really play the piano but-” he rolled over to lean on his elbow, to which kino mirrored “-it’s nice to have something i can look forward to, you know?” he sighed and leaned his face into his hand, hoping that he hadn’t dug too deep for a first conversation.

“i get it,” kino responded quickly, much to yuto’s surprise. “my mom forced me to start helping at her daycare about a year ago, and one of my favorite things is waking up early with her and going to see all those kids and how happy they all are.” he once again copied yuto and leaned his face into his palm. “i just love making them smile.”

a softer side of kino, one yuto never thought he’d be able to see. truthfully, he was surprised kino had such a soft personality. every time he saw him, kino was boisterous and seemed like a “life of the party” kind of person, nothing like a gentle preschool teacher. he smiled at the boy, feeling his ears start to burn at the thought of seeing him genuinely happy around the children at the daycare. “i think you would make a wonderful preschool teacher,” he said with reassurance, sending a flood of warmth through kino’s body.

he suddenly felt very small, being complimented in such a way: not even his parents had ever said that he would be a wonderful anything. “do you think so?” he asked sheepishly, his voice shrinking as he spoke. he sat up completely, taking his knees in close to his chest. “i’ve been so indecisive about my future, i wasn’t sure a preschool teacher was even the right path for me.”

yuto sat up with kino, moving significantly closer to the boy. “what do you mean?” he inquired, head tilted and eyes wide with comfort that kino just wanted to swim in.

with a sigh, kino began: “my whole life, i’ve never been able to stick to one thing for more than a year. a lot of people have dreams from maybe middle school that they keep in their hearts for the rest of their lives, but i’ve never had that. the only things that have stuck with me are my singing and now recently my desire to go into child care. i fear that i won’t have the same passion for child care once i start to actually pursue it, and i don’t have enough musical talent to try anything with music. i just kind of feel stuck.”

he took a deep breath and let it out with a laugh. he buried his face in his knees, bringing his whole body close to itself and making himself as small as he could. he’d never even told hyojong any of that, but there he was, telling a man he’s only just really started talking to that day about his deepest fears for his future. how pathetic he must have seemed to yuto right then.

yuto sighed and placed a hand on kino’s back, slowly rubbing circles and hoping it was something of a comfort. “i was supposed to go to college for business on a baseball scholarship,” he blurted out. “my father had a plan for me from age 10 till the day he died. imagine the look on his face when i told him i wanted to go for music theory instead!” he let out a light laugh, hoping it would perk kino’s still-bandaged head up; it didn’t. “he wasn’t happy, but i am. and i feel like if child care makes you happy now, and it’s stuck with you for this long, there’s nothing stopping you from pursuing it. my father’s 30-plus year plan for me didn’t stop me, and i don’t think you should hold yourself back.”

kino rolled his head over to look at yuto, eyes burning from holding back tears. he smiled softly at the boy, realizing that there was no helping how hard he was falling. he knew that 44 days wasn’t enough to fall in love with someone, so his plans of leaving on june 2nd still held. but he felt like those next 44 days would be at least bearable with yuto as his friend.

he felt a sudden warmth on him as yuto moved directly next to him, arm coming around his shoulders. his smile stayed, letting himself lean completely into the strong former baseball star. at this point, who knows? maybe everything did align just perfectly and yuto was someone he could see himself with for a while yet. it was far too early to make any assumptions, but he at least hoped yuto would stick with him the entire 44 days.


	5. disappointment

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> y'all i'm sorry for the delay sobs i got really behind on homework this week and was doing a mad rush to catch up but!! i've finally gotten enough time to proofread and upload this next chapter ;; the actual plot of the story startsssss abt ch 7 but starts building in this chapter ahhh i'm excited to finally get it rolling  
> also i'm gna continue to use the summary as notes bc even putting them at the beginning fucks em up now ;;

in the 3 days since their moments on the cliff, kino and yuto had barely been able to see each other. their homerooms were on completely opposite ends of the hall, and their classes just didn’t line up outside of PE. in fact, during PE was the only time they even saw each other, but since kino was significantly worse at any sort of physical activity that wasn’t dance, he was always in a different part of the class from yuto.

he stood in front of his full length mirror, adjusting his “dressy but casual enough not to be suspicious” outfit he spent over an hour picking out. anxiety filled his mind as he thought back to asking yuto to lunch the day before, receiving a, “yes, but i’m only free tomorrow,” as a response. he had absolutely no time to prepare, but he wasn’t about to give up his one opportunity to hang out with the man who took over his thoughts. final projects would be starting soon, and he wasn’t sure he’d have another chance.

all he wanted to do was actually get to know the guy. he knew yuto wasn’t gay, that much was obvious, but he had such a fascination with him, he couldn’t help it. the day at the cliff still held strong in his mind, yuto’s warmth still somehow radiating through his entire body. it just all seemed like such a dream, hearing yuto talk to him so gently and hold him so close…. how could his life get any more perfect?

“hyunggu!” his mother’s voice took him out of his thoughts, realizing that it was almost 12:30 and yuto was supposed to be there any minute. he quickly grabbed his wallet and his phone and sped towards his front door, where he saw his beautiful “date but not a date” standing, waiting for him. it seems they had a similar taste in clothing, both of them just casual enough to not draw any suspicion. he smiled warmly at the boy, a slight glimmer of hope tugging at his heart.

his mother wrapped her arms tightly around kino, once again pulling him out of his incessant daydreams. “be back before dinner, honey!” she said cheerily, giving a small pat of reassurance. he knew his mom would try to make this a bigger deal than it was, but he had assured her over and over that they were just friends (truth, for now) and were only getting lunch to discuss their final projects (lie, for now). “you’re new  _ friend _ is more than welcome to stay for dinner, if he wants.”

kino rolled his eyes and pulled yuto out of his house, not leaving enough time for yuto to respond. there’s not a doubt in his mind that his mother would absolutely humiliate him if yuto were to stay in that house longer than 5 minutes.

 

===

 

there weren’t many places they could go within their own community where they wouldn’t arise suspicion, so kino decided going to the other side of town would be their best option. he knew that it wasn’t a date, but he didn’t want to risk any more rumors starting than were already making the rounds. when they arrived at school the day after the flyball incident, the most popular rumor was that him and yuto declared their undying love for each other and were planning to elope on graduation day. it was such an oddly specific rumor, especially since yuto had shown no signs of being gay, and because kino’s main goal after coming out was to avoid any sort of romantic relationship. he was too scared of hurting yuto to even risk being seen with him in their community of the town.

there was a small cafe on the other side of town, which is where some of his friends who graduated the year before worked. they had always known kino was gay, so seeing him with another boy made them throw a look up. he waved them off, hoping they wouldn’t pry too much into the situation; he didn’t feel like trying to explain it with yuto sitting just a meter away.

“...so music theory,” kino blurted out, not exactly knowing the best way to start a conversation, given their circumstances. “what about it made you fall in love with music?”

yuto took a sip of his water, seemingly lost in thought for a second. “there isn’t a real reason for how it drew me in. like i said, i was a baseball star until the beginning of high school,” he recalled, remembering the shoulder injury that removed him from playing beyond PE class. “music wasn’t ever a big interest of mine. but music theory has taught me that you don’t need to be perfect at anything, you just have to put the effort in and you can get anywhere.”

he blinked, a strange look crossing his face. “that was a lot deeper than i was intending, i’m so sorry,” he let out with an awkward chuckle. kino’s entire body softened seeing his smile, a sense of familiarity and comfort filling his entire body. he tried so hard to fight the soft emotions yuto built up in him, but he couldn’t help himself. the way his mouth curved when he thought of something funny to say, how his eyes would crinkle together when he couldn’t stop laughing, seeing his entire body relaxed once kino made a joke just as dumb as any other…. it all sent kino to cloud nine.

he resisted all urges in the pit of his stomach to reach across the table and lay his hand over yuto’s, but god he couldn’t stop thinking about it. he had always wondered what it felt like to hold hands with someone so special to you, and it was especially difficult to imagine when no one in a 100 km radius would even give him the time of day. he sighed and folded his arms, preventing any sort of contact for the rest of the lunch “date but not a date.” 

“do you have any songs? you’ve been in that class all year, you must have something,” kino inquired.

yuto’s entire body suddenly went very small, a light hint of pink coloring his cheeks. “i have a couple songs, but like i said, i’m really bad at the piano still,” he managed to squeak out. “we have to compose a full song for our final, but i haven’t even started on it. i’m really worried because my other songs weren’t any good.”

kino shook his head and leaned forward, trying his best to give yuto his signature puppy dog eyes. “you should play me one of your songs some time! i’d love to hear one.” he smiled as wide as he could without giving too much away, but he knew he had pink dusting his cheeks as he spoke.

yuto’s body rumbled with a low laugh, a sound smoother than the honey kino had drowned his tea in. he felt that familiar warmth fill his body, relishing in how light and elated it made him feel. “i mean it!” he reached across the table to knock him in the arm, barely able to reach the man with eyes locked on him. suddenly kino was very aware that he existed and that yuto knew that as well. “w-what?”

he laughed once more, waving it off as their waiter came to take their order.

 

===

 

yuto didn’t stay for dinner, and kino wasn’t able to hear any of his compositions. but yuto promised he would facetime him later that night, so kino had that to look forward to at least. he was really hoping he could have avoided the horribly silent dinner waiting for him at home, but his luck with fate had abandoned him this time.

his father had put on a facade when kino had come out, pretending to be the ideal supportive father and only wanting the best for his son. but when the headlines died down and his work stopped buzzing with the news, he turned back into his traditional self. he constantly fought with kino every time he made a new friend at school that wasn’t a girl, asking where he went wrong as a father, and kino had even overheard him praying for god to “fix” his son. he never wanted to make friends anymore, being so wary as to only associate with girls in school and avoid any eye contact with the other boys in his class. luckily, as the local gay kid, being surrounded by girls wasn’t so odd, but it still hurt to know that he was so limited.

“is that your new boy toy?” his father abruptly demanded, his tone even and stern. kino choked on his bite of food, eliciting a scowl from his father. “you know, you have final exams coming up soon, you shouldn’t be so boy-crazy.”

kino slammed his hand down on the table, excusing himself and speeding off to his room. he could hear his mother calling behind him while his father yelled back, demanding she leave him alone to think about his actions. they fought for the rest of the night, the dinner most likely abandoned for helpings of shouts and screams.

it had been like this ever since he came out. his mother was an angel to him, supporting him through anything while offering him some unwanted (but necessary) advice almost daily. she never asked him to be anything but himself, which is why he had no fears in coming out. he never expected his coming out to be the downfall of their marriage.

his phone glowed with an unknown number, asking if they were texting hyunggu. he tossed his phone across the room and rolled over, completely forgetting in the moment that yuto was supposed to facetime him that night. he just wanted the world to leave him alone for 40 more days, then he could finally be at peace. in 40 short days, he would be out of that horrible town and far away from some stupid straight baseball boy and his lovely fauxther.

but maybe he didn’t want to be so far from the baseball boy.


	6. conversations

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> y'all next chapter the actual,,, plot,,, starts,,, GOMEN,,,, i'm still getting back into the swing of writing, so i'm sorry it's taken so long.... just trust me it gets SOFT real fast  
> also follow me on twt? i jst scream abt yuto a lot honestly @oujiyuuto

_ it’s been an hour _ , yuto thought to himself. he looked down at his phone once more, oddly void of any notifications. he had told kino that he would be able to facetime him around 8 that night, but hearing the clock tick to 9:05 made yuto worried. he didn’t know kino well enough to know if he was bad at replying or slept early or whatever other kind of excuse he may have, but he felt like the “date but not a date” went well enough that kino would’ve wanted to talk to him. he sighed and flipped his phone face down onto his desk, turning back to his composition sheet, still void of any inspiration.

he threw his head back and groaned. their teacher had said that, while the final would not be formally assigned until that monday, they should try and get a draft composition going. with little to no guidance as to what kind of song would be expected of them, yuto had no idea where to begin. he knew that when he started classes that fall, he would have to be able to compose with or without an assigned topic, only furthering his frustrations. everyone else in the class seemed to be able to write beautiful melodies he could only dream of while his felt so alternative and harsh in comparison.

something in his gut told him that they were going to have to write a love song. the entire year, they had never had to compose anything that involved romance, most assignments going so far as to almost completely exclude romance as an idea in the compositions. he was terrified to have to present a loving piece when he had never felt anything but one-sided pining, but he thought maybe that was the best starting place for any traditional love song.

out of the corner of his eye, he caught a light breaking out from underneath his phone, causing his head to practically snap to check his notifications. he sighed and smiled at the message greeting him:

who is this

9:08pm

with a swipe he arrived to his messages and attempted an actual conversation.

the man of ur dreams rdy to 

sweep you off ur feet

9:08pm

that could mean anyone, you’ll have

to be a little more specific

9:09pm

it’s yuto u nerd

9:09pm

oh!! hello!!

9:09pm

were u asleep? i didnt mean to

wake u up

9:10pm

 

oh no, i was just avoiding the world

as usual

9:10pm

avoiding the world…?

9:10pm

it’s a long story

9:12pm

ive got a lot of time

9:12pm

kino didn’t respond for a while. almost 15 minutes passed before he saw kino’s name light up on his phone again, causing a storm of worry to brew deep in his gut. he knew something was wrong; the usual talkative and bright kino talking so vaguely grim was too off-putting. he wished there was more he could do, that he could run over and comfort him somehow, but their community-wide curfew was too soon to risk. he sighed and waited impatiently until the familiar name glowed on his screen.

it’s just a lot more than i’ve really talked

about before

9:25pm

im cool w whatever, i wanna help

if i can

9:25pm

i wont force u tho

9:28pm

it would be better to talk this out

9:30pm

typing is getting a bit more difficult

9:31pm

what do u mean?

9:31pm

i’ll just call you, is that ok?

9:33pm

yea of course

9:33pm

no sooner than the message was marked as delivered, his phone switched to accept or deny kino’s call, to which yuto has never tapped his “accept” button faster. he brought the phone up to his ear, offering any comforting words that he could. “kino? are you okay?” he asked quietly, realizing that his parents were probably about to sleep. he walked over to close his door when he heard just how weak kino’s voice was in reply.

“not really,” the other responded, voice cracking and obviously raw from crying. yuto practically slammed his door shut and crawled under his covers, hoping he would be able to hide his conversation well enough. the storm in his gut quickly became aggravated, filling him to the brim with pure rage at whoever could hurt someone like kino. “there’s just a lot going on right now, i’m sorry.”

yuto had no hesitation. “there’s nothing to be sorry for. what’s going on?” he realized his hushed tone was most likely not fitting to help kino, but he was too worried about his parents listening in.

he heard rustling on the other end of his phone. “my parents are just fighting again,” he finally managed, voice fragile and soft. “my dad doesn’t like the way i am, and my mom tries to defend me but it just gets worse everyday. he just assumes i’m a boy-crazy, hormone-driven teenager and-” yuto heard a small hiccup “-there’s nothing i can do about it.”

he felt so useless, just sitting there in his room. all he wanted to do was run over to kino’s house dramatically, pouring rain and all, and hold him to make it all go away. but he knew that he couldn’t; kino’s house was at the end of the neighborhood, and even on his moped, it would put him out after curfew. plus, if kino’s parents were still fighting, it was guaranteed yuto wouldn’t be able to set foot in that house. he sighed and leaned into his phone, trying to be as close to kino as he could.

“i’m so sorry,” he offered, voice sturdy and smooth. “wait, i thought your dad was on-board with it all before?”

a weak scoff from the other end told him otherwise. “it was all fake. he couldn’t ruin his reputation at his work.”

“that’s really awful.”

“tell me about it.”

yuto was never very good with words, and a situation this heavy felt like it needed more words than he knew. there were so many things he wanted to  _ do _ that were too far fetched to even consider mentioning, but none offered any advice he could give to the weak young man. he sighed and closed his eyes, hoping to find the answer somewhere in the depths of his mind.

nothing.

maybe not thinking was the way to go.

“i really wish there was more i could do.”

“i wish there was too.” he swore he could hear the smile on kino’s face as he spoke. 

but maybe it was just his imagination again.

they stayed like that, curled up under their separate covers on opposite sides of the neighborhood, switching the conversation between this and that for hours until yuto suddenly realized that kino hadn’t been responding. did he say something wrong? were his childhood tales too much to listen to any longer? was he even awake?

he checks the call time: 4:05:36. 

he interrupted his own story to ask if the boy was awake still, praying he was finally able to rest. from the other end, he hears soft stirring and deep breathing, and images of how beautiful kino must be as he falls into his deepest sleep start playing on repeat behind his heavy eyes. a soft smile pulls at him, imagining his soft and full lips slightly parted as his slender body adjusts itself to the contours of the bed. he settles himself into his covers and closes his eyes, lulled to a deep sleep by kino’s deep breaths and rays of sun filtering through the now calm storm clouds.

 

===

 

_ “yuto.” _

the sudden mention of his name jostled him awake, eyes blinking heavily to reveal a light glow from the opposite end of his bed. this was why he never slept with his phone directly on his bed; he always ended up kicking it away somehow. he scrambled to pick it up, seeing that his call with kino was still going. 8:12:04.

5:50am. april 22nd. 40 days and counting.

_ “yuto?...” _

the delicate softness pulled at yuto’s heart, his tension easing at hearing such a fragile sound. hearing kino’s voice, laced with gentle repose, say his name was more beautiful than the soft melodies he heard from the birds every morning before school. something about the soft light filtering through his window and the small sounds coming from his phone gave him a sense of comfort he couldn’t explain. he smiled and nestled in close to his phone, swearing that he could feel kino’s legs wrapped around his own, arms lazily draped around his waist, hair softly falling onto his chest.

oh if only.

he brought his hand up to his phone, only imagining how it would feel to be kino’s round face cupped in his hand, how easy and perfect it would feel to place invisible kisses on the top of his head as he lulled himself back to his deep slumber. kino’s very existence was starting to feel more and more like home, and as terrified as he was at how quickly he had grown attached to the boy, he found himself enjoying the feeling of falling with only kino to catch him.

4 days. it had only been 4 days, but it felt like so much more.

_ “yuto….” _

one last sigh of his name dissipated the storm clouds, sleep quickly settling behind his eyes.


	7. love songs

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> it's becoming difficult to keep consistent updates, i'm sorry everyone! i promise i'm trying, school's just been very hectic as of late ;;
> 
> reminder that i'm active on twitter, but i recently came back to instagram! both users are oujiiyuuto, i'd love to make new friends~ i might be making a social dummy au on twt soon so i guesssss look out for that?

waking up on monday, kino felt like an entire truck had run him over three times, all just for good measure. he had spent the entirety of saturday night crying his eyes out into his pillow and then word vomiting to yuto for a couple hours before his eyes stung from being open too long. he hadn’t remembered falling asleep; one second he was listening to the tragic tales of gaegul the frog - a stuffed toy from yuto’s childhood - and the next it was after 9am on sunday morning and he had an almost 12 hour call to explain to his mother, come next phone bill. he had ended the call almost immediately, hoping yuto wouldn’t be too offended when he woke up.

they spent most of sunday texting on and off while they each did their own chores around the house and ran separate errands, somehow not finding time to see each other. they both fell asleep fairly early sunday night, neither mentioning the topics of the night before.

kino rolled over to check his notifications, seeing a couple text messages from a contact named “yuto-ya♡”. he couldn’t help the heat building on his cheeks, just seeing how bold he was to enter his number in such a “young love” way.

wakey wakey

7:02am

hey wake up

7:15am

WAKE

7:23am

kino chuckled to himself, imagining yuto slowly getting more playfully aggravated in the mornings. he left those thoughts in his imagination, however.

so demanding~

7:31am

what’s the rush?

7:31am

the rush IS i wanna talk to u

before school is that ok

7:33am

oh, a secret rendezvous~ how

scandalous, mr. adachi

7:34am

alright listen u

7:40am

i’m listening~

7:41am

 

....i am unprepared

7:42am

laughing at his phone, he headed out into his kitchen, uniform sloppily thrown on as he continued his conversation with yuto and attempted to eat something before his “secret rendezvous”.

can u meet me by the front doors

around 8?

7:45am

i’ll try my best~

7:46am

he practically inhaled his breakfast, raising some weird looks from his parents. kino usually got up earlier and ate slowly, trying to enjoy his food before he started the day. they tried to ask him about his sudden need for a speed-eating record, but he ignored their questions. he jumped up to finish getting ready for the day, grabbed the last of his things, and sprinted to the front entrance of the school.

reaching the front doors at almost exactly 8:02, he found his rendezvous waiting for him. he jogged over to meet the tall boy, nearly crashing into him out of excitement. “good morning, yuto!” he felt the nervousness in his voice and cleared his throat, hoping yuto hadn’t noticed. “so why the super secret early morning meeting?”

yuto rolled his eyes and handed him a thumb drive, to which kino could only respond with a raised eyebrow. grabbing kino’s hand, he set the small drive in his soft palm and closed his hand, taking a few extra milliseconds to take in just how warm kino was. he let his fingers rest just a bit too long on the other’s palm, lightly tracing the weaving lines that decorated it. 

“you said you wanted to hear my songs, right?” he gave a half-smile, hoping he didn’t sound too corny. “i still had these on my computer. they’re not great, but i remember you wanted to hear them.”

kino gently placed the thumb drive into his pocket, making a mental note to save the files onto his computer when he got home. “was that what this all important secret meeting was about, mr. adachi?” he asked, a mischievous tone sneaking up at the very end.

“what? was that not a good enough secret?” he grabbed at his chest over dramatically, an invisible archer shooting him point blank through his heart. “you’ve hurt me, mr. kang.”

kino couldn’t help but laugh, especially after hearing his last name roll off of yuto’s tongue so easily. he didn’t think he could ever get tired of hearing yuto say anything, especially not his name. with an elated sigh, he walked passed yuto into the building, the other slowly trailing behind him as they talked nonsense until they reached their homerooms.

 

===

 

right before lunch, yuto and kino had their alternative electives, both of which shared a classroom split by a retractable wall. however, when each class filed into their respective sides, they all noticed an important detail missing: the wall. both classes stared at each other with a mix of confused and terrified looks; knowing that final assignments were given out today, they could only imagine what this entailed. their teachers for each class entered together, sly intentions glimmering in their eyes.

“attention students!” kino’s teacher was the first to speak, her sharp voice cutting down all murmurs building in the larger room. “we have an offer to make you about your final assignments.”

yuto’s teacher stepped up, his back unusually straight with eyes searching hurriedly through the sea of teenagers presented before him. “we would like to propose a joint final project between our creative writing and music theory classes,” he said, a bit hurriedly for sure, but clearly.

before the murmurs could build again, the creative writing instructor spoke up again. “we would like to have our classes collaborate in pairs to create their own love songs. these songs can be romantic, platonic, familial, any sort of love you see fit. but it has to clearly be a love song and be a completely original piece.” she held up a pile of papers, with the other instructor holding up a pile of his own. “a gentle reminder that we have your previous assignments! you cannot use anything you’ve already written for your final project.”

both classes started looking around, but two pairs of eyes were already locked on each other.

yuto had to work with kino. he had so many songs with no names that played in his head every time he just thought about him. so many melodies he had on mental repeat that he needed to make real were playing simultaneously every time he saw the stars in kino’s eyes. everything about him just made yuto think of music, pairing up with anyone else would be such a waste.

the amount of words kino held back from yuto was astounding. he had entire poems and letters he had stored away when he had plans to confess to yuto classically, entire trains of thought that led directly to his heart and soul. his head, usually so discouraged from making anything worthwhile in creative writing, was filled with every word and then some just from seeing yuto across a room full of people. words written for anyone else wouldn’t be genuine.

“we have already picked your partners!”

two pairs of eyes suddenly snapped away, instead locking onto the two instructors, unblinking while they read off the lists.

slowly, each person in their class was paired off, leaving only 4 students left: yuto, kino, yuto’s friend wooseok, and kino’s friend hyojong. wooseok and hyojong looked at each other and somehow knew that they had to be paired together if their oh so smitten friends were going to have any chance in these remaining 39 days. they held their breath, praying that the next words were-

“hyunggu! you will be paired with yuto from the music theory class! which means hyojong, you will be with wooseok!”

it felt like pressure being actively released from their bodies. all four of them relaxed, turning almost into jelly at the relief. kino felt the words swimming in his head again as he locked eyes with his golden baseball star, suddenly wishing there was more time in his lifetime to write. poems began forming in the corners of his mind, words laying down on pathways that led into yuto’s arms. melodies began spinning again in yuto’s mind, a bright and violet-colored song resonating deep within him. they walked towards each other, slowly pushing back the negative thoughts that shot in the second they got such wonderful news.

kino had to write a romantic set of lyrics. he couldn’t even write a rhyming poem.

yuto had to compose a lovely melody, despite never having been in love.

and they had 39 days to do it together.


	8. spring breeze

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> y'all it's been a hot minute LOL i got destroyed by my final projects but i'm on break now and i'm determined to finish this fic soon! i finally got the motivation to work on it again, so hopefully i'll be able to finish it before my break is over (fingers crossed hh)
> 
> the plot actually moves? what kind of development is this?? i promise that from here it finally starts rolling a bit faster ahh i'm excited for the next few chapters hehehe

yuto felt his body unable to sit still, whether it be a leg shaking or his shoulders subconsciously rolling; he couldn’t believe his life was real. it just felt too much like a cheesy romance movie, being assigned to write a  _ love song _ with the boy he’s been fawning over for months. the boy who’s very existence inspired yuto more than he’d ever be willing to admit was now assigned to write a deep, romantic song with him, and he had no idea how he was supposed to act.

“what kind of love should we write about?”

kino’s voice pulled yuto out of his thoughts, suddenly realizing that there was no guarantee he would be able to write romantically for the assignment. “what kind do you  _ want _ to write about?” he looked down at the assignment paper their teachers had given them: the assignment was for the creative writing student to write 4 full stanzas of a poem, rhyming or not, that could follow a soft melody composed by the music theory student. the only other requirements were that it had to be no shorter than one minute and thirty seconds but no longer than two minutes, a completely original piece not submitted or created beforehand, and very clearly about love of some sort, whether that be the love of a family, a group of friends, or a romantic relationship. yuto became nervous, realizing that it might be horribly embarrassing for kino to attempt to write romantic lyrics.

the smaller scrunched up his nose at the assignment, obviously not looking forward to writing another poem. “i’m not sure. i’ve never been in any sort of relationship,” he said, seeming to be only half talking to yuto. “not that i haven’t… had those kinds of feelings before.” his voice shrunk away, almost as if he hadn’t said it.

yuto couldn’t help but snap his head up to look at the boy, noticing a light pink starting to rise on his cheeks. kino had a crush? was it on someone in the school? no, no way, not with how absolutely horrendous most of the boys in their school were. it had to be someone from a different town, or maybe the other side of their city?

“maybe a romantic song would be okay then?” he tried to keep his voice inconspicuous but he physically felt the crack in his throat as he said “romantic”. he tried to clear his throat to cover it up, but he could feel the awkwardness hanging in the air. “i mean, i’ve never really been in love but i can’t deny i’ve felt something before.”

he swore he could see a small light in kino’s eyes, but he wrote it off to his growing imagination.

despite the number of melodies dancing around his mind, he couldn’t pinpoint one that really screamed, “i’m gay and in love with kang hyunggu,” which was the vibe he was really trying to achieve. he wanted people to watch him perform and see the love he hoped was in his eyes, the passion he tried to put into his music, and he especially wanted to look at kino once it was all over and hope his emotions were clear.

but nothing was sticking. the songs in his mind were starting to overlap and become off-beat, causing a headache to build in the back of his head. “if we’re gonna do romantic-” he tried to lock eyes with kino, but the boy’s head was still lowered, the pink on his cheeks very apparent at this point “-we should probably start with a concept. what kind of romantic song do we want? a slow build? a ballad? bouncy pop?”

kino finally looked up, reaching over to lightly knock yuto in his shoulder. “the paper clearly states a ‘soft melody’ so bouncy pop is definitely out.” he tried to hide the laugh in his voice, but the small curl at the ends of his lips betrayed him, a sight too infectious for yuto to resist. “what about soft hip-hop? you know, like lofi?”

yuto stifled a laugh, remembering back to when he would listen to “lofi hip-hop beats to relax and study to,” for no reason but background noise. he never really found the attraction to it as a genre, but he couldn’t deny the draw of composing something so unique. “that would definitely be more interesting than a standard piano ballad, but i don’t really listen to that kind of stuff.” his words came out much harsher than he intended and he quickly tried to stop the frown he could see creeping up on kino’s soft lips. “b-but if you have anything i should listen to, i’d be happy to give it a shot!”

a wide smile graced kino’s bright face and yuto could feel his own face starting to burn; he prayed that no one could notice.

 

===

 

their class seemed to fly by and they agreed to meet on the same cliff where they first really talked after school to discuss the song a bit more. kino had said that he would rather die than try to rehearse with his mom hovering over them, and yuto was afraid of his dad meeting kino, but he told him that they had family staying with them for a while so it would be too cramped at his house. he wasn’t sure how well they could work while outside, but he’d figured it out as they went.

after their final classes let out, yuto waited by the front doors for kino, feeling an odd sort of nostalgia thinking back to that day less than a week ago. he couldn’t believe it hadn’t even been a week since he hit kino with that flyball; it felt like an entire lifetime. he kept trying to catch himself before he fell too hard, but he couldn’t help himself. every time he even thought of kino, his heart skipped a beat and his thoughts got lost in fantasies of leaning in to the small beauty, covering him in butterfly kisses, holding him close, and never letting go. it was such a strange feeling to him, and he secretly hoped it never stopped.

seeing the forementioned beauty running towards him snapped yuto back to reality, suddenly feeling the steadily warming april air stinging his cheeks. “yuto!” just hearing his name come from kino’s mouth sent yuto flying, his entire body slacking at the sound. “we better get going, i have to be back home by 6 for dinner.”

with a nod, yuto mounted onto his moped, leaving just enough room for kino behind him. unlike that fateful wednesday the week before, kino settled in fairly quickly, his slender arms tight around yuto’s waist. he felt the smaller’s head nestle onto his back and revelled in how nice it was to feel each deep breath the boy took. he sighed as they took off away from the school, leaving their worries behind on the run-down campus.

 

===

 

a couple of hours into their writing session, kino let out a whine and fell back into the grass with a soft thud, curling up into the nature surrounding him. yuto spotted the small curls at the edges of his mouth once again, a soft look of serenity crossing the boy’s face. yuto let himself fall a bit as well, propping himself up on his elbow as he got lost in kino once again.

kino rolled his head over and locked eyes with a now embarrassed yuto, who quickly turned away as he felt the pink heat building on his cheeks. he heard a laugh more gentle than the breeze running between them, slowly turning back to see kino’s face decorated with soft laughter and elation.

god, what was he going to do? he had 39 days left in this town, but kino was truly drawing him in. he knew kino wanted to go to school for child care, but he had no idea if he had actually registered for any sort of university and highly doubted he would go to the college yuto had chosen; life couldn’t be that fair. but he really couldn’t deny how little control his inhibitions had on him anymore, just barely resisting leaning over and kissing the dreamboat just inches from his face. the only thing holding him back was knowing that kino could never be in love with someone like him, someone so plain and boring.

he heard kino groan and roll over towards yuto, his face buried in the grass below them. though muffled, yuto was able to hearing kino’s griping: “why is writing about love so hard? i want this to be over!” he attempted to roll back over, instead running directly into yuto as he faced the sky once again. their eyes locked for the nth time that day, but something held their gaze this time. something more powerful than either one of them.

maybe it was the mid-spring air rushing between them, the presence of violets suddenly attacking all of yuto’s senses. maybe it was the sun gleaming in behind yuto, kissing his skin so sweetly and gently. maybe it was just the close quarters and building pressure in both of their chests. whatever it was, they soon found their lips softly pressed together, months of budding romance blooming into one perfect moment.

the kiss was brief, over as soon as it begun, but it felt like they were both floating in a sea of emotions, not really knowing what to think as they pulled themselves apart. yuto could see kino’s face change from euphoria to panic very quickly and was barely able to catch him as he tried to scramble up and away from him. he gripped the boy’s wrist much more tightly than he had planned, fearing that letting go meant losing his only chance forever. “kino, wait, don’t go,” he managed, still breathless from the emotional weights being lifted from his chest. his mind was still reeling from how soft kino’s lips really were; after months of dreaming about those full lips and how sweet they must taste, he really couldn’t believe that his kiss could be so intoxicating.

tears began stinging in the corners of kino’s eyes, sobs already choking his throat before he was even able to speak. how could he  _ kiss _ yuto? he was supposed to stay away from any sort of relationship, away from anything that could keep him tied to this trap of a town. he had to leave in 39 days, there couldn’t be anything that could even risk keeping him there. his building feelings for yuto were undeniable, but kissing him was not in the plan; the boy was straight for god’s sake! how could he have fucked this up so horribly?

and why wasn’t yuto upset?

he turned back to see the most pathetic puppy dog look he had ever seen. yuto looked so desperate, almost… scared. he saw a glint of something in those sweet honey eyes - what it was exactly, he didn’t know - that drew him in and pulled him back down to the ground, his body limp and voice still blocked by the cries swelling in his throat.

yuto almost immediately moved his hand to kino’s, gently lacing his fingers between the other’s. his grip was loose, and kino couldn’t help but grip back a bit tighter to stop him from leaving. yuto was once again dangerously close to kino, who was still completely silent. yuto sighed and put his forehead on his, letting out a light, nervous laugh. “i can’t believe i just did that.”

kino felt the air rip from his throat as every emotion spilled from his eyes, unable to comprehend what he just heard. what  _ he  _ just did? kino had kissed him, not the other way around! there was no way that--

before kino could even begin to properly panic, he felt yuto’s lips drift over his own, softer and lighter than before but somehow much more intimate. yuto’s free hand was soon resting on kino’s waist as he leaned in once more, trying for a much deeper kiss than before. inhibitions long gone, kino gave into his feelings and pushed back against his sun-kissed god, hands quickly and desperately grabbing into yuto’s thick, surprisingly soft hair. he propped himself up on his knees, bringing himself above yuto as he felt those strong, familiar arms wrapping around his waist and pulling him completely against him.

the spring air danced around the two young men, love breezing through them as they relished in each other’s embrace and affection. suddenly, the words began flowing easily around kino’s mind, songs of love and desire practically writing themselves as he pressed deeper into yuto. the music within yuto’s was much easier to comprehend as he fell backwards, holding onto kino for dear life. they became too easily lost in each other, forgetting the rest of the world in favor of falling into their blossoming romance.


	9. butterflies

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> two updates?? is this a sign of things to come??  
> i have chapter 10 written but i still have to proof it, so that might be delayed a bit but it's going up this week! it's a bit of a long one, hopefully the chapters will all be longer from now on ;;  
> i'm still active on twitter but i changed my user! https://twitter.com/jooheony__

the next few days felt like a drunk haze. though they never properly sat down and talked about what happened at the cliff that day, kino noticed how much closer yuto sat in their now merged alternate class, how he would be somewhat bold and hold his hand under the desk when he came to eat lunch in his classroom, and especially how desperate he was for more affection outside of school. obviously, neither had even brought up, let alone attempted going to the other’s house, but they were practically attached at the hips (and lips) whenever they went to work on their final while at their meeting place.

even kino began to act with more confidence, trying his best to keep up with his new love. when he would catch yuto alone in the hallways, he would steal a small kiss on his cheek or quickly run his hand over his arm as he continued back to class, always making sure to shoot a sly smile behind him before he ran off. when they would ride to the cliff, somehow sitting closer still, there was a short section where there were no houses, no shops, no schools; just the calm forest and the smell of violets. he would take these brief chances to lean up to plant a few kisses at the base of yuto’s neck, which was consistent in getting a flustered reaction out of the driver. kino couldn’t help but laugh every time he saw the usually unyielding sun-kissed baseball god jump at such a feathery kiss.

he felt conflicted, however. he didn’t want his first relationship to be a fling, something that happened because they were both bored at the right time, and yuto hadn’t really talked about what happened on monday. how do you just ignore something like that for so long? it was already thursday and they still hadn’t really sat down and figured out what they were to each other. he was worried that yuto might just be messing with him: he’d never really faced any bullying since coming out, but he was always waiting for a fake confession or for someone to lead him on. he really wanted to believe that yuto did like him and felt the same way he did, but he couldn’t shake the anxiety setting heavy on his chest every time he saw him.

_ i’m gonna ask him _ , he concluded that morning, knowing it couldn’t go on any longer without them talking about it.  _ i’m gonna ask him to be my boyfriend. _

 

===

 

their teachers were out for their class for a faculty meeting, and kino took this as a god-given opportunity and suggested that they go to one of the unused club rooms to work on their song in a little more peace (and privacy). yuto quickly nodded in agreement and shoved all of his supplies into his backpack before practically skipping out of the room, holding kino’s hand tight as they sprinted up the 2 flights of stairs to the recently retired music club room.

shutting the door behind them, kino took a deep breath and attempted to swallow the rock forming in his throat, to no avail. despite feeling so suffocated, he knew he needed to do this, needed to clarify if he meant anything to yuto or was just something fun to mess around with before he left this decrepit town forever. ever since he was little, he had always dreamed of finding his one true love, almost straight out of a fairy tale: he just wanted someone who was happy to see him when he came home, who wanted to listen to and support him, someone who wanted him. he really hoped that yuto could be that, but so many disappointments in his life only prepared him for the worst, that he was just a fling, a quick fuck (so to speak), something to play with for a couple weeks. he could only pray for at least a civil outcome.

they sat down on the dusty, unkempt floor, kino quickly swinging his legs over yuto’s lap and lazily playing with his strong, slender fingers. he could feel that golden smile burning at him without even looking up, making his heart race just from thinking about it. seeing it just about made all his worries fall away, never imagining someone with ill intentions could ever look at him with such fondness. but he knew that people could fake anything, even down to true love, and he didn’t want to trust it too long. 

he gripped the boy’s hand tight to steady himself as he tried to start: “i wanted to talk to you about something.” he felt yuto’s grip fluctuate, his anxieties mixing horribly with kino’s. that rock moved from his throat to his chest, his breathing soon becoming rapid and shallow as he tried to get out what had been sitting on his mind for days. “are we… are we together? do you see us as a serious thing? or is this just… something to do?”

he wanted to sound confident and unfazed, like he was able to erase his anxieties for a few moments to stand up for himself. but soon he felt that same rock moving back to try and suffocate him as he tried to say anything more. yuto held onto kino’s hand for dear life, his other arm quickly coming around his waist to bring him onto his lap. he soon felt the small beauty nestle into him completely, his hiccups and sobs visibly shaking yuto’s usually strong demeanor. 

kino really tried not to succumb to his constant need for affection, but he couldn’t help it as sobs hiccuped out of his throat.  _ deplorable _ , he thought between sobs, hating how pathetic he must have seemed, how vulnerable he truly was. he let himself curl up completely against yuto’s warm, broad chest, feeling him move slowly back and forth, cooing gentle “it’s okay”s and “honey, honey”s into his ear. that sweet honey voice, a perfect match to his deep eyes, filled kino’s body with a sense of warmth and comfort he had never known before.

it took a few minutes of yuto’s tender, soft motions and coos to bring kino back down, but he still needed reassurance in his concerns from before. he tried his best to steady his voice, still raw from the deep sobs that still threatened him in the back of his throat. “i don’t want to j” - hiccup - “just be something to m-m” - hiccup - “mess around with.” the hiccups wouldn’t stop, even if his tears had, and he wished he didn’t seem so pathetic in that moment.

yuto kissed his cheek, softer than a kitten, and traced light circles and hearts on the boy’s back. “you are so much more than just ‘something to do’, kino-ya.” another kiss pressed on lightly, slowly moving down the boy’s face. “i’ve been falling for you from the sidelines” - kiss - “for so many months now” - kiss - “it’s a little pathetic.” kiss, kiss. the kisses set kino’s stomach at ease, all the knots and nervous butterflies settling into a warm sense of security as yuto continued. “i want to be yours, and only yours. you are the spring breeze that i feel every morning and my moon that comforts me on sleepless nights.” one last kiss, this time placed on his lips, red and swollen from his cries, longer and filled with more emotion than the last. “kang hyunggu, i want to be your boyfriend.”

a smile began to pull at the corners of kino’s lips as he heard his full name come out of the man of his dreams, and he couldn’t help but hide the dashes of heat surfacing on his face. his arms were quickly wrapped around yuto, his face buried deep into the crook of his neck. he felt his smile, full and bright, emerge on his face as yuto’s arms encompassed him completely. he tried to place soft kisses on the base of his neck, surprised at the lack of reaction from the usually sensitive man. small circular motions on his back and soft butterfly kisses in return on the top of his head sent him to cloud nine, high on the closeness and intimacy.

he brought his head back up, his eyes soft and melting in the chocolate looking down at him. “adachi yuto, i really want to be  _ your _ boyfriend,” he whispered, just soft enough for yuto to hear. just soft enough to expose his deepest vulnerability, to the only person he now truly felt wouldn’t abuse it.

yuto pulled him in closer, nuzzling against his cheeks and eliciting a light laugh from kino. with a swift kiss, the slightly-older sighed happily against the younger beauty. “i guess we’re boyfriends now.” his voice came out breathless, moving quickly into another round of deep kisses, unable to separate until their lips were red and raw.

“you know,” kino sighed, suddenly snapping back to reality, “we do have a song to work on.”

as he started to move away, yuto pulled him back into his lap, drowning him in soft but fast pecks, starting on his full, round cheeks and quickly moving down his soft jawline. “i need some more inspiration, honey~” he whined, both of them slowly forgetting about the assignment, lunch, and the rest of the school day.


	10. a household name

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> chapter notes are still broken but uhh hi LOL this semester ramped up to a 10 from the get-go and i realized i had no time to write ;; i'm gna try and finish this soon tho bc i have it planned out completely and i have another fic i wanna write... here's praying

a week had passed in almost no time, days still filled with stolen kisses in off moments in the hallways and secretive hand holding under desks at lunch and during class. they felt like they were too distracted, but they were drowning in puppy love and couldn’t seem to get back to the surface. worry continued to eat at yuto as they fell harder and faster for each other, praying that this didn’t spell a quick end to their relationship. 

their main concern, however, was still the song. being so distracted by each other had severely cut into their time to work on it, and they didn’t know how to make more time for it. they only had the one class and lunch together, and their time at the cliff usually devolved into storms of kisses and tangled limbs until they had to leave for dinner. even at night, their texts were filled with soft feelings and virtual affection. yuto had even managed to sneak a few calls in, despite his hovering parents, though none quite like their first one. the distractions, while heart-warming and filling them both with happiness, were detrimental, and yuto only saw one solution: an overnight work session.

he was terrified to ask kino to stay the night at his house, realizing what such a question holds behind it, but he knew that they had no option. not because of their relationship, but because of the state of their love song; their first complete draft was due the following monday and kino had only 2 stanzas written and yuto’s composition was barely halfway finished. they kept getting too distracted, and yuto thought that being at his house (where his parents require his door to be open at all times) might make them focus long enough to power through their first draft.

that didn’t make him any less excited about having kino in his house, in his  _ room _ . he had no intentions of “going too far,” but ever since their 12-hour sleep call, he wanted to know what it felt like to fall asleep directly next to such a bright source in his life. he really couldn’t believe it had been almost 2 weeks since their relationship started to bud; he still didn’t know the exact details as to what happened on kino’s end that fateful saturday night, but he never saw a need to pry. secretly, he hoped that they could talk more about that night, possibly deepening their relationship with each other.

“you want me to stay at your house?” a smile was curling on kino’s lips, a pair of soft pink pillows that yuto just wanted to sink into at any time of the day. “why?”

yuto pulled himself out of his fantasies and cleared his throat, hoping his new found love didn’t notice how out of touch he was. “we’re a bit behind on the assignment,” making no eye contact, lest his daydreams be seen, he continued, “and we need to have a rough draft done by monday. i figured we wouldn’t get distracted as easily at my house.”

a head tilt from his beauty shocked something into yuto: kino didn’t know about his father.

“my dad, ah,” he started, words catching in his throat for a second before he was able to continue. “my dad wasn’t exactly excited when you came out.”

the look of horror that fell on kino tore yuto’s heart in two. he slid his foot underneath the desk in line with the other’s, hoping to offer some comfort in such a public setting. searching for his hand under the desk brought no victory, soon finding those slender comforts coming up to hide kino’s face. “your dad doesn’t like me?”

yuto sighed and gently laid a hand on kino’s arm, tracing small circles into his forearm. from such a light touch, he could feel how badly the boy was shaking and wished nothing more than to pull him into his chest and hold him until he stopped. “it’s not just you, he’s very… traditional, for lack of a better term,” he attempted to explain, hoping it would put him a bit at ease. “he doesn’t see how anyone like you can live a full life without a wife and children.”

ouch. not the best thing to say right now. and he realized it immediately.

kino darted out of the room, his face drained and limbs still shaking.

 

===

 

after what felt like an eternity of searching, yuto was finally able to find kino in one of the bathrooms on the first floor, not usually used by students. he tried to lock the door behind him but the door was so old, the lock just turned infinitely. with a sigh, he accepted defeat and walked over to his defeated kino, knees pulled in tight to his chest and quiet sobs echoing through the old, empty bathroom.

yuto planted himself down next to kino and pulled the tearful boy into his arms. he didn’t know exactly what to say: he just told his boyfriend that his father, the man who raised him and potentially formed his belief system, thought that they could never have a fulfilling life. his words wouldn’t stop playing on repeat in his head, internally kicking himself for just blurting out such a horrible notion. storm clouds began forming in his gut again, worse than when he heard kino crying just a week ago.

butterfly kisses and coos of reassurance slowly brought kino back out from his curled up state, eventually ending up completely wrapped around yuto. “does he really hate me?” his weak voice sent chills down yuto’s spine. “will i even be welcome in your home?” the sobs threatened him the more he spoke, and yuto held him as close to him as he could.

“i don’t think he hates you,” yuto whispered, trying to offer some sort of comfort to the boy crying in his arms. “he’s just… close-minded. i won’t let him hurt you, you are more than welcome in my home, honey.” he continued to place soft kisses into kino’s hair, hoping to bring him down from his panic. “i will not let anything happen to you.”

kino could only nod, finally bringing his arms around yuto and snuggling in as close as possible. for the next few minutes, all yuto could do was comfort him, whispers of “it’s ok” and light back and forths of his hands on kino’s back moving silently through the old bathroom. truthfully, he didn’t know if it was going to be okay. his father was completely against kino and the life he lived, waiting on the edge of his seat to hear the announcement that it was all a facade, that kino’s really straight and just wanted attention. it broke yuto’s heart, knowing that his father felt so negatively about the man of his affections.

he knew that brining kino to his home would only raise questions. he prepared for all of the ones to be expected of any new friend: what’s their name, how old are they, who are their parents, where are they going in life, and if they were staying the night. it was the unknown that terrified him, whether they would bring up kino’s sexuality or not, if they would accuse yuto of “turning gay” because of his presence, and there would be no hope if they asked about the love song they were in the middle of writing. the entire experience was terrifying to think about, but yuto thought that, if kino was next to him, it would all be okay.

he patted his love’s back, moving to get up and eliciting a whimper from the young beauty. the pathetic noise brought a smile to yuto’s lips, bringing them close to kino’s. “honey, we have to go back to class, there’s enough rumors floating.” a small kiss was enough to satisfy them, at least for now, and they begrudgingly returned to their classroom, anxiety building in the back of their minds for the stressful weekend to come.

 

===

 

kino couldn’t help how bad he was shaking once the final bell rang at the end of the day, and it somehow became more of a problem when he mounted himself on the moped. all he wanted was to nestle into yuto’s back and cry, but he couldn’t help feeling like all eyes were on him. what yuto had said earlier was still playing on repeat in his mind:  _ “he doesn’t see how anyone like you can live a full life.”  _ deep in his heart, he knew that yuto didn’t feel the same as his father, but something about the way he said it so casually just uneased kino.

he sat away from yuto for the entire ride to his house, feeling his back straighten at the thought of entering the adachi household. already, he felt unwelcomed in the home he had dreamt of visiting for weeks, and he wasn’t sure how the night would go. he knew yuto wouldn’t let anything major happen to him, save emotional trauma, but he still couldn’t help but play every horrifying recurring nightmare over and over in his head. his best case scenario was that dinner would be quiet and they’d be left alone for the rest of the night with minimal casualties. but he feared the worst outcome, a full-blown argument that ended with kino running home alone, having to forget about his gorgeous baseball star.

in what seemed like no time at all, they had arrived at the adachi household. he realized he’d never actually seen yuto’s house before, and he wasn’t sure how he missed it. it was the only traditionally Japanese-styled house in town, and one of the few two story homes with no store on the first floor. he remembered when the plot of land was purchased and always being enchanted by seeing it built when he was a child, but once he entered middle school, he had no reason to walk by the site and never saw it completed. he was in euphoria looking at the beautiful architecture in front of him, well-complimented by the small rock garden near the front doors mrs. adachi must have added later. the grandeur of just the outside of the home made kino that much more nervous, and now all he could see was his worst case scenario.

yuto parked his moped just beyond the view of the front door and stopped kino before he stepped off the seat. he leaned over and kissed him, deep and comforting; one last reassurance before entering the stressful household. kino couldn’t help resting his hands on yuto’s hips as he felt the warmth and comfort pour through him, praying their moment didn’t have to end.

sadly, yuto pulled away almost as quickly as he had come in, breathless and wanting more, but knowing his parents would begin worrying where he was. he knew that he wouldn’t be able to be within a meter of kino for the rest of the night if he wanted any shot at him staying over, and his desperation took him over. he had mentioned bringing someone over, but he decided internally that saying his new friend was kang hyunggu was just asking for a solid, “no,” so he was expecting an overly curious mother any time soon. 

“are you ready?”

kino shook his head but stepped off the moped anyways, head lowered and sullen. he felt yuto’s hand run up his back, the same comfort from before spreading through his body once more. he lifted his head up and smiled at yuto, nodding instead and walking with him towards the front doors. absolute terror filled his still unsteady body, but he recited yuto’s words from earlier: “i will not let anything happen to you.”

mrs. adachi greeted them when they walked up to the front door, surprised at the sight of kino but welcoming all the same. “you must be yuto’s friend he was talking about!” she said, reaching for kino’s hands with a warm smile on her face. “i’m his mother, his father won’t be home for a few hours yet. please, come inside!” she practically dragged kino in, yuto quickly filing in behind them.

the adachi family gave kino a warm welcome that set his heart at ease. yuto claimed he had 3 siblings, but the only one he ever saw was his older sister, akari, who asked kino a multitude of questions he barely had the answers to. mrs. adachi was kind enough to prepare a few snacks for him and yuto as they worked, never taking her eyes off the two working in the living room. yet the over analyzation and intense stare down never seemed to bother kino; quite the contrary. seeing yuto’s family take such an interest in him, even if the intentions were hazy at best, made him at least feel like they saw him as a person rather than a spectacle. akari asking about his favorite childhood toy or what his dream pet is felt better than asking him the same basic questions everyone asked him.

the song itself was proving to be more difficult than either of them first thought. in the 3 hours they spent working, yuto barely made a dent in what was left of the composition and kino was only able to revise his first two stanzas and write one new line. something about writing those lyrics in particular had kino stuck, his mind drawing blanks on where to go next. was it because his only love was so new, filled with baby steps and unsure movements? or could it be that his love wasn’t enough, that this puppy love wasn’t real? his anxieties began to build into frustration, tears stinging at the corners of his eyes as he realized he had made no progress.

yuto scanned the room quickly before resting his hand on kino’s cheek, running his thumb over his love’s eyes as he saw the tears threatening to fall. the touch was brief, his hand soon falling back to the keyboard of his computer, but kino couldn’t stop the smile from pulling at his lips. suddenly, new lyrics were forming in his heart, and even if they didn’t fit, he wrote down every word. maybe they’d have some use.

 

===

 

yuto’s father arrived home right when mrs. adachi was finishing up dinner for that night, their routine obvious to kino. it was awe-inspiring to see such a clockwork family like the adachis, leaving the young boy to wonder if he could ever achieve such a life. he stood up to greet mr. adachi, stretching out his hand to the honestly terrifying man. “hello, mr. adachi,” kino started, voice unstable but hopefully passable. “i’m kang hyunggu, i’m your son’s partner for his final project. thank you for opening your home to me this weekend, i really appreciate it.”

mr. adachi only looked at kino’s hand before coldly dismissing him, walking passed him to hang up his coat and drop off his briefcase in his study. kino dropped his arm limply to his side, the same rock that choked him in the music room before crawling its way back up his throat. he tried to swallow the fear, to put on a brave face, but there was no comforting touch or sweet words from his beloved to help him this time. he excused himself to the bathroom, holding in his tears until he was sure the door was locked behind him.

_ how can he hate me so much?  _ his thoughts were racing as he tried to bring himself down.  _ i’ve never met the man before and he dismissed me so easily. what do i have to do to earn his approval as yuto’s friend?  _ he wiped his eyes on his sleeve and looked at his dishevelled state in the mirror. swollen eyes and lips, tear stained cheeks, face flush from trying to resist his loud cries, body shaking…. how was he supposed to leave the bathroom looking like this? he should’ve never tried coming to the adachi house. he knew it was a bad idea from the start, that coming anywhere near someone who hates his existence is a horrible idea.

a knock on the bathroom door brings him out of his thoughts, and seeing yuto standing outside the door broke him even further. all he wanted to do was reach out and bury his face in his chest and cry, but the threat of his father being just two doors away froze him in his tracks. he saw a twinge of pain in yuto’s eyes as he looked up at him, something in those bright honey eyes telling him he could make it through the night. yuto checked the hall to his left and right and quickly pushed kino into the bathroom, rushedly locking the door behind him as he crashed his body against the other’s.

just feeling yuto’s arms surrounding him sent kino into another fit of sobs, this time letting his cries out into his love’s chest. he felt yuto tighten his hold on him and begin to place sweet kisses on the top of his head, everything finally lining up to bring kino the relief he had been wanting since he darted into the bathroom in the first place. a simple dismissal shouldn’t be affecting him like this, but knowing that it came from the father of the man he’s coming to love makes it so much harder to handle. it shouldn’t have been that hard for him to acknowledge kino’s existence beyond being the weird gay kid, but just seeing how easily the terrifying man dismissed him made kino realize how hard this night was going to be.

but something about yuto holding him made him remember his words from before: “i will not let anything happen to you.” and in that moment, he truly believed it.


	11. confrontation

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> long time no see? my last semester completely destroyed me and i wasn't able to update this AT ALL. i'm back home for the summer tho and i'm determined to finish this fic this month. im hoping i can write a chapter a day, but we'll just have to see ;; chapter 12 is already written and is really just fluff so look forward to THAT  
> oh also for this chapter specifically  
> tw // homophobia

dinner. they just had to get through dinner and then they could escape to yuto’s room. even if they couldn’t be as close as they wanted, they could at least be away from the daggers being thrown at them at the dinner table. mrs. adachi’s attitude towards kino had done a complete 180, from warm and inviting to cold and suspicious. akari couldn’t keep her eyes off her brother, fires of suspicion burning in her eyes. and then there was mr. adachi, his gaze burning holes into kino without even needing to look directly at him. the whole atmosphere was thick and awkward and all the two wanted to do was get out of there as soon as possible.

the dinner was mostly filled with disgusted stares from the adachi parents and the scraping of forks and knives on each plate. kino felt yuto’s knee touching his ever so gently under the table, knowing that would be the only contact they would get for the next hour. he tried focusing on that, remembering how warm his baseball god was, feeling that warmth flow through him through a simple touch. he couldn’t wait to get dinner over with and sprint up to yuto’s room.

just as they were about to finish eating, akari’s voice cut through the thick silence: “it’s hyunggu right?”

kino nodded and swallowed the same rock from before. “yes, but everyone calls me kino.”

akari nodded and brought her attention back to her half-full plate, side-eyeing her father every couple of seconds. she seemed to be warning kino of something, but he wasn’t sure what. mr. adachi terrified him but he didn’t need akari’s warnings to know her father was a man to be feared.

“kino. a ridiculous name.” mr. adachi’s low tone growled from the head of the table, sending a shiver down kino’s spine. “i still don’t know why you’re in my house.” he took one last bite of his meal and stood up out of his seat, nearly knocking his chair over onto the floor. there was a misplaced fire in his eyes, anger that couldn’t seem to find a good enough direction yet somehow always ended up at kang hyunggu.

but kino wasn’t going to take it. he was never good at standing up for himself before but he was sick of being pushed around a household he didn’t want to be at in the first place. he didn’t want the whole night to be breakdowns and hiding in bathrooms, waiting for the house to fall asleep before they could attempt to be close to each other. he knew yuto couldn’t stand up for him, not if he wanted to make it to graduation in one piece. and kino understood that, he couldn’t ask his love to put his future on the line.

so he put his own on the line instead.

he practically jumped out of his seat, chair clunking against the floor. “why do you hate me?” he asked bluntly, staring directly at mr. adachi until he turned back around. “i’ve never met you before and you’re treating me like a rejected puppy on the side of the road. i’m here to help your son with his final project, so unless you want him to fail his senior year, i would suggest a bit more civility.”

despite his feigned confidence, his entire body was trembling. he could feel yuto’s puppy dog eyes glued to him, and his knuckles were going white from how tight his fists were balled. akari’s fork continued to hit her plate while mrs. adachi’s breath was caught in her throat. mr. adachi locked eyes with kino, the fire burning stronger and finally locking in on its target. kino straightened his back and stood his ground, not wanting to take back a single word. he would not be treated like less than dirt by complete strangers.

15 seconds. 15 seconds of pure silence and building tension only for mr. adachi to stomp away and disappear into the kitchen. kino let out all the air in his lungs, tension leaving his body with the terrifying father. he wanted nothing more than to run out of the house and keep running until that night was just a distant memory, but yuto’s hand lightly grazing his thigh kept him grounded, his feet planted firmly where they were. mrs. adachi looked between the 3 children sitting at her table and quickly rushed into the kitchen, supposedly to her husband’s side, leaving those 3 to their own devices.

had kino made a huge mistake? it wasn’t like him to speak so informally to anyone, especially not someone else’s parents,  _ especially _ not to someone who already despised his existence. seeing the two adachi parents so distraught over him made him wonder if running out of the house was still a viable option. he crashed to the floor, yuto quickly following him almost on instinct. he couldn’t help his hands from running up kino’s arms or the small, “are you okay?”s from leaving his lips as he brought himself as close as possible to his trembling love.

akari slowly pushed herself up from her seat, quickly reminding the two that the adachis were both in earshot and could definitely see them borderline cuddling on the floor. wasting no time, akari tapped on her brother’s shoulder and the three of them practically sprinted to the living room, just out of earshot and the parent’s field of vision. the two boys crashed on the couch and faced yuto’s sister, who’s eyes were full of burning curiosity and a million questions.

but she started with just one.

“you’re dating, right?”

kino felt his face start to burn, cheeks flushing pink at the sudden question like she didn’t just watch them nearly melting into each other’s arms. he snapped his head in yuto’s direction, meeting his love’s terrified gaze. he looked back at akari and back to yuto, searching for an answer in either of their burning eyes but only being met with blank answers. akari took yuto’s hands in her own and laughed nervously, obviously shaken by her own question.

“yu, be real with me,” she said, much lower and less stable than before. “are you dating kino?” tears began to build in yuto’s eyes, and kino instinctively began slowly running his hand up his back, figuring there was no need to worry about akari anymore. a soft smile formed on her lips and she reached out for her brother’s shaking hands. “why didn’t you tell me?”

yuto let out an awkward laugh, releasing all the tension he had in his body. kino knew how hard it was for yuto at home, knowing that his father would despise him if he ever found out and being unsure of his mother’s reaction, but seeing akari’s caring eyes and gentle touch with her brother obviously gave him some relief. he finally had someone else to confide in, someone he could trust with such a secret. he couldn’t stop himself from bringing her into his arms, small sobs choking in his throat.

akari and yuto were close for most of their lives. for years, yuto looked up to akari and followed her everywhere she would go, trailing behind her like a puppy. they grew close quickly, and there was no denying how close they were as brother and sister. once akari graduated from high school and attempted to leave the city for college, her father stopped her and demanded she stay to help her mother take care of the house. soon, yuto saw the sister he idolized and worshipped for so many years becoming a carbon copy of his mother. he felt such disappointment seeing her long-time dreams of being a fashion CEO crumble because of her inability to say no to their father.

but that didn’t change his love for his sister. they still had their traditions; they still got ice cream every other thursday after school, still planned out their escape from the black hole of a city they lived in, had their saturday game nights…. despite everything that happened over the last 5 years, they never lost their strong sibling bond. yuto just couldn’t help the disappointment that crossed his face every time he saw akari stuck in their house still at age 23, knowing how much she wanted to leave.

he wasn’t really sure why he never told akari the day he realized he was gay. their bond was too strong to be ruined by something so trivial, and there’s no way akari would have ever told their parents. but something stopped him from ever telling her up until he brought kino over to the house, and telling her felt so relieving. there were a lot of tears and laughs shared between them, slowly bringing kino in to their emotional celebration.

akari pulled away from her brother and looked over at kino endearingly, knowing that he must have been the reason for yuto’s sudden mood changes. she grabbed his empty hand, his other locked into yuto’s, and thanked him for being him. “my little brother has been in such a depression lately, especially with graduation coming up. i haven’t seen his smile in months, until he met you. thank you, thank you for making him happy.”

embarrassment washed over kino and he couldn’t help but bury his face into yuto’s neck, trying to shy away from such praise. he never saw himself as anything special, just as the hyperactive gay kid in town, trying to get out as fast as possible. nothing about him stood out; his singing was average compared to the rest of his class, his grades were nothing to write home about, nothing he did ever seemed to be outstanding or significant. hearing someone he barely knew praise him for being that positive of an influence on anyone sent his heart to the races.

his entire body was vibrating as he tried to bring himself down from cloud nine, suddenly crashing down to reality remembering that the adachi parents were only a few yards away and only barely out of earshot. he moved away from yuto, still keeping his grip on his hand. “all i want is for yuto to be happy,” he croaked, his voice raw from built up emotions. “i just wish there was more i could do for him… around here.”

akari’s face lit up, a new flame kindling in her eyes, eerily similar to yuto’s. “dad is going on a two-week business trip starting tomorrow, and mom generally avoids yuto’s room if the door is closed. the stupid closed-door thing is a dad rule, mom couldn’t care less about it,” she assured them. she kept her eyes locked on kino, now a raging flame in those strangely familiar honey eyes. “i won’t let them hurt you.”

kino couldn’t help bringing her into a tight hug, feeling a strong sibling bond building between them almost instantly. he felt like he could trust akari, like she truly did want the best for her brother. she saw something in kino that he couldn’t see, something he desperately wished he could: she saw someone to believe in.

 

===

 

surprisingly, the rest of the evening was very quiet. they didn’t see mr. adachi for the rest of the night and akari helped mrs. adachi clean up after dinner. kino and yuto took the opportunity to slip away up to yuto’s room, finally achieving the peace and quiet they’d been searching for all night. they both tossed their bags to some forgotten corner and collapsed together on the floor, forgetting about the assignment they very desperately needed to work on. the whole night had been filled with careful movements and constantly checking to make sure they weren’t too close with the family looming over. they just wanted a moment to truly be alone.

without hesitation, kino let his entire body relax and fall onto yuto’s lap, relishing in the warmth radiating from his lovely baseball god. soon, yuto’s slender fingers were gently lacing through kino’s soft locks, massaging his scalp slowly as they melted into each other’s presence. the walls of the room began to fade away the closer they felt to each other, the serenity of their shared space finally settling into them. something about the close quarters, their nearly synchronized breaths, and the way time seemed to slow down the closer they became calmed them down and brought them back to earth.

it felt like hours before they were able to separate from each other, despite it only being a few moments, and they were able to work on their song. somehow, the short amount of time they spent reconnecting after the stressful evening put their brains to work and they were able to crank out the last couple stanzas and measures in just a couple of hours. they sat in near silence, only communicating through soft touches and the occasional question about the song.

“we should run through it a couple times,” kino suggested, knowing that even though they were only presenting a draft, it should at least be semi-impressive. he was nervous to present his lyrics, not only to the class on monday but to yuto in the moment. he had shared bits and pieces, especially when he felt stuck on particular lines, but only then did he realize yuto still hadn’t seen his entire poem.

he handed his lyrics to yuto to look over, and he instantly felt his body get hot. what does he have to be embarrassed about? he knows that yuto won’t make fun of him or tell him the lyrics are bad, but something about the man that holds his entire heart reading lyrics that are obviously about him just makes kino nervous. what if he thinks he’s too obsessed? what if they’re not emotional enough? what if they’re just not good?

despite how hard he worked, kino’s writing never seemed to hit hard enough in his classes. essays and creative writing never came out right, no matter how much he planned them or how many times they rewrote them, and he always hated presenting anything he wrote to anyone. while he tried writing songs in the past, they sounded worse than his worst essays, and he all but gave up trying to write anything new. an assignment like this mortified him: presenting a love song to his long time crush and his class was his absolute nightmare.

yuto set the paper down and turned to look at kino, fondness welling in his eyes. “these are absolutely perfect” he whispered, his voice soft as he laced their fingers together. kino couldn’t help the smile from beaming across his face, his worries melting away just from looking into those pools of honey. “i really like the ocean analogy, it works perfectly with the track i made. this is gonna be really  _ really  _ good when it’s all finished.”

suddenly the prospect of showing the class his lyrics wasn’t so terrifying.


	12. just breathe

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> this is just soft im sorry im so self indulgent

akari took it upon herself to watch over the blossoming couple that night, keeping yuto updated via texts when their parents headed to bed and it was safe to close his door. because of the heated argument at dinner, mr. adachi was fuming and pacing the house late into the night, which only frustrated the couple trying to be alone. he would storm a little more slowly by yuto’s room every so often as the night dragged on, only to find kino as far from yuto as physically possible in the small room.

what mr. adachi didn’t know was how his methodical personality had betrayed him, his patterns extremely obvious even in such an unexpected situation. he walked by yuto’s room every 20 minutes, lingered for 3 minutes by the door, and then continued on to walk the blueprint of the house. yuto noticed this quickly and used it to his advantage; in those 20 minutes, he couldn’t keep his hands off his love. tangled limbs and sweet kisses filled the room until they heard the familiar stomps just below his room, telling them the beast was nearing the stairs. they would separate quickly, fix up their appearances, and pretend to be working until he left again.

after about the fifth round of this, yuto was sick of it. usually, his father would sleep no later than 9pm, but as the clock ticked to 10:30pm, he knew they had to do something else. knowing his father demanded to be the first one to clean up at the end of the night in their only bathroom, he decided to announce fairly loudly, “well, i think we should wash up and head to bed. kino, let me show you where it is.” the fiery stomps turned into frantic and furious running as mr. adachi rushed to the bathroom first, finally ending his torment of the house and releasing a collective sigh. kino couldn’t help but laugh at how easy that really was.=

“you’re a genius, you know that?” he asked, voice practically a whisper. no doubt that mrs. adachi had already headed to bed, having dealt with this sort of thing for years and able to tune it out fairly easily, but the fear of the beast still ran through kino’s veins. “how did you know he’d stop?”

yuto couldn’t help but laugh and pulled the boy into his arms, brushing his messy bangs away from his beautiful eyes. “i didn’t,” he stated bluntly, earning a chuckle from the boy. “but i figured he’s pissed enough to take anything away from me, even if it’s the bathroom. he’ll be done in a few minutes.” he placed a quick kiss to kino’s nose and pulled them both down to the bed, careful to listen for the bathroom door opening below them. as much as yuto wanted to devour the lips just a breath away from his, he knew he could easily get too swept up in him.

the fear of falling too fast never left his mind. he wondered how he ended up here in just over 2 weeks, with the most beautiful boy in the world nestling into his chest and humming sweet melodies just for him to hear. how did their legs become twisted together, their fingers loosely laced, their breaths quickly synchronized, their hearts become one… in such a short amount of time? yuto still isn’t sure how he ended up here, nor if he should be questioning the strength of their relationship. even if it was just a high school romance, in that moment, he was okay with that idea. maybe he didn’t need forever, maybe it would be forever. maybe he just needed kang hyunggu.

but somehow that thought scared kino more. what if yuto has no intentions of forever? what if this was just some fling for him, something to pass the time? despite how many times his baseball love assured him that he was more than just a pass time and their long talks about what they were to each other, the weight of anxiety never left his heart. he knows they moved fast, that spending the night at his house was probably as fast as they could’ve gone, but he couldn’t help it. admiring him from afar for so long and finally being able to call  _ the  _ adachi yuto  _ his  _ adachi yuto was too much to resist.

it was all too much to say in the moment. the feelings of anxiety, the fear of the future, the speed of the fall…. none of it mattered. not when honey met sweet chocolate, not when kino felt yuto’s fingers tracing circles in the small of his back, not when yuto could feel kino’s heart just beyond his own. somehow, the smallest details kept them at ease and told them to take each obstacle as it came; there was no use worrying now if they had each other.

the sound of the bathroom door slamming open below them brought them out of their own heads, realizing that they had just seconds before he came speeding up the stairs. kino practically crashed to the floor, quickly moving to his bag to act like he was putting away his work for the night while yuto leapt to his closet to grab his pajamas. miraculously, that’s how mr. adachi found them: once again as far away as physically possible. he grunted a low, “good night,” and raced to the master bedroom just down the hall. yuto peaked just outside of his room to find akari giving him a small thumbs up before retreating into her room for the night. he let out a sigh of relief as he turned back into his own room, smile beaming on his face.

“ready for bed?”

 

===

 

of course kino had an oversized sleeping shirt, everything was too big on his small frame. of course he wore shorts to bed, it was starting to heat up outside again and who knew if it would be too hot in his room? of course, even completely bare faced and ready to pass out for the night, he looked perfect to yuto. he felt practically inadequate compared to him, even if he was just wearing his usual t-shirt and old pajama pants. how did kino still pull at his heart strings?

yuto closed his door (a dangerous tactic) and locked it (unheard of in the adachi household) before climbing into bed, confused as to why kino was setting up to sleep on the floor. “honey?” he asked quietly, praying the thin walls wouldn’t give them away. “what’s up?”

he saw kino pulling out a small amount of snacks and his computer again, closing out of his lyrics and opening his browser. he turned around to reveal a small blush creeping up on his cheeks as he pointed to the screen. “i thought we could watch something together before bed. something easy,” he confessed. a wave of embarrassment washed over him; he felt silly for even offering the idea and went to close the computer before he saw yuto moving towards him, arms slowly engulfing his small shoulders. he shrunk back into them, a sense of warmth and comfort washing over him from such a small gesture. “i’ve been rewatching moomin lately.”

“i haven’t seen that show in years,” yuto whispered, voice just a bit too close to kino’s ear to be even remotely safe for his heart. “come on the bed, though. the floor isn’t really comfortable.” 

kino couldn’t help but laugh smally at that, such a risque suggestion in any other situation, but only one of soft comfort in theirs. he grabbed his laptop and climbed onto the bed, yuto’s arms quickly wrapping around his waist and bringing him close. he smiled to himself, laying his hand on his and starting the episode. he was only able to pay attention for a few minutes before he had to roll over and look over at yuto, bringing a fast flush to the baseball god’s face. he rested his hand on his cheek, slowly moving in for a kiss, soft and sweet.

they stayed like that, soft kisses and smiles filling the space between them as the show continued in the background. yuto couldn’t stop his hands from wandering, drifting lightly under kino’s shirt to rest just above the boy’s hips. he always wanted to be so bold, to be like the unapologetic male lead in all the romance dramas he would never admit he watched, but just doing that set his entire body on fire. his skin was so soft, softer than he could’ve imagined, and knowing that it’s just for him to hold for now made his head spin. he didn’t dare entertain the thoughts trying to enter his mind when all he wanted was to keep those soft lips on his and his hands right where they were. everything was too much and somehow just enough all at once, and yuto felt like he could get drunk on that feeling alone.

_ i always knew his hands were big, but god why hasn’t he tried that sooner?  _ kino’s thoughts were clouded by how incredible it felt just to have yuto’s hands on his hips, fingertips gently kneading into his skin and daring to explore his waist. he could feel yuto’s hesitation, something stopping him from exploring too far, and that helped him feel safe. everything about yuto just made him feel safe. no matter how fast he felt like they were moving, yuto never dared to go too far. he brought his hands down to his neck and ran his slender fingers along his shoulders, earning a sigh from the boy he couldn’t keep his lips off of.  _ note to self: yuto still has a sensitive neck. _

something in yuto made him want to stop, just for a moment, to take in everything that was kino. from his tied back hair to how bright red his face was, his lips swollen and taking in as much air as they could, hands tracing the line of his shoulders down his arms, just how soft his skin really was, the way his legs were so tangled and lost within his own. the lowlight of the moon and screen lighting him from behind made him seem so angelic, perfection that yuto was afraid to go near. but here he was, his hands resting so carefully on his hips and his taste still lingering on his lips, all of him just for yuto to have.

“hyunggu…” he breathed, his mind completely filled only with the feeling of his love in his arms. he pressed a long, gentle kiss on his forehead and took a moment to gather himself. he didn’t feel quite drunk, not quite high, but nowhere near ground level. he had so many words to give to his precious flower, the light of his life, the stars in his sky, but nothing was coming out. instead, he felt a single tear fall down his face, emotions too overwhelming to hold in anymore but too choking to say out loud.

he expected kino to panic and ask what was wrong, but he instead brought his hand to wipe the tear from his cheek and let it rest there, rubbing his thumb along the small freckles that were beginning to bloom. “you’re….” kino started, unable to come up with a single word to describe the ethereal being in front of him. the light from the moon hit his face just perfectly, catching the moonlight in his dark eyes. he felt like he was looking at the brightest constellations just staring into them, an entire night sky bringing his soul to rest for the night. everything about yuto made him feel safe and calm, like anything that came his way wasn’t going to hurt him, as long as yuto was there.

they connected their lips once more, longer and deeper than the last. yuto rolled onto his back and pulled kino with him, rapid heartbeats synced once more. he rested his hands back on kino’s hips, opting to explore his back a bit more. he ran his fingers gently and lightly over his spine, causing shivers to run up and down kino’s entire body. kino moved his lips from yuto’s and decided press his kisses instead to his neck, eliciting a very quiet and unexpected whine from yuto. no one had ever tried  _ that  _ before and it made yuto feel many things but especially overwhelmed.

suddenly, kino was very aware of where he was and what was happening: his shirt was halfway off his body and he was one wrong move from bruising yuto’s neck. he couldn’t seem to catch his breath and sat up almost instantly, realizing he was pushing himself too far. yuto didn’t need all that to be with him and he knew that, so why was he still insisting on pushing everything? he had no intentions of going  _ too _ far but god he was afraid he wouldn’t know where to stop. he was barely 18 and had barely kissed anyone before yuto, let alone done anything more. he could feel his breath catching in his throat, just like back in the bathroom, and he wanted to break down and hide.

the body underneath him shifting up and pulling him close brought him back to earth, his lungs still desperate for any air. he tentatively wrapped his arms around the boy’s shoulders and nestled his face into his shoulder as he felt the embrace get tighter and warmer. but it was too tight, too warm, too suffocating; he still couldn’t catch his breath and shoved yuto away, maybe a bit too forcefully, and jumped out of the bed, beginning to pace around the room in any effort to stimulate his breathing again.

yuto stood up and watched him, trying to understand what could be happening. one second they were completely wrapped up in each other and the next his love was pushing him away. there was nowhere to pace in the small room and he could see kino starting to really get worked up: his breathing was shallow and he was sweating far too much for being in a fully air conditioned room. “honey,” he whispered, trying not to wake the house, “what’s wrong? talk to me, tell me anything, do you need air?” kino, still pacing in circles,  could only manage a nod but yuto took that and practically jumped to open the single window in his room, offering his hand to bring kino carefully onto the roof.

he’s not sure why he trusted yuto - potential love of his life or not, you don’t follow people onto roofs - but he did, crawling carefully onto the roof to sit next to him. the cool air hit his lungs like a truck and he was able to breathe again, if still a bit shaky. yuto looked over at him, worry and panic written all over his face. kino reached for his hand, not realizing how bad his own were trembling, and laced his fingers through yuto’s. his heart was still pounding, blood rushing at a million miles an hour, but he could feel it evening out slowly.

“it’s really cold,” he said, looking over at yuto and offering a smile. “be my blanket?”

he happily obliged.

 

===

 

they watched the stars silently for a bit before the cold started to get to kino’s mostly bare legs, and they quickly climbed back into the bedroom and crashed into bed, shutting the window behind them. with the show long forgotten, kino slid his laptop back into his bag before rolling over to face yuto again, only to find him with his back against the wall, leaving an impossible amount of space between them. kino reached his hand out, silently begging that yuto would take it and talk to him. he felt those familiar fingers lay over his, but yuto still seemed nervous.

he had gone too far. he wasn’t planning on doing anything too scandalous, but he thought they were ready to do a little bit more. guilt had been eating at him the entire time, realizing that he didn’t even ask if kino was ok, if he should keep going. he just pulled him on top of him and went for it, and he will never forgive himself. he threw his boyfriend into a panic attack and he didn’t know how to apologize enough.

“i’m so sorry, honey.” maybe just a start would do for now.

kino moved himself a bit closer. he flipped yuto’s hand over and ran their fingers together, squeezing a few times for hopeful reassurance. “there’s nothing to apologize for,” he managed, voice still ragged from the lack of oxygen. “i thought i could handle it. i couldn’t.” he took a deep, shaky breath and moved closer. “maybe we’re trying to move too fast. i like where we’re at.”

yuto was the one to nudge closer, if only slightly. he brought kino’s hand to his lips, pressing a gentle kiss to his knuckles. “you do?” his thoughts were racing with the thought of losing his love so quickly, hearing him say that they were okay made his heart soar. “i like where we’re at, too.” they both closed the distance completely between them, wrapping their arms around each other once more. even through one panic attack, their heartbeats managed to match back up as soon as they embraced, fully grounding kino and reassuring yuto.

they separated and locked eyes, two universes meeting in one gaze, and they brought their lips together once more, softer and gentler than before. they stayed like that, just like they had begun, sharing short kisses and praises to each other, yuto’s hands only just kneading into kino’s sides, kino tracing the lines on yuto’s shoulders. soon, kino felt his eyes growing heavier, and he didn’t have the strength to keep them open any longer. he gave yuto a final good night kiss, longer and deeper than the last, before turning over and leaning his back against his chest. yuto couldn’t help but smile as he lazily wrapped his arms around his small frame and nestled himself into his back, sudden exhaustion taking him over and pulling him into a warm sleep.

 

=

 

4:43am. hyunggu felt himself drift out of sleep and into consciousness, but he wasn’t sure where he was immediately. he felt warm, comforted, incredibly safe. but he felt very…. un-cuddled. where was yuto? 

he sat up in the bed, searching around for his love. he felt around on the bed, eyes still blurry from sleep, and felt a still fairly warm part of the bed where yuto had definitely been just hours before. he whined and laid down in yuto’s spot instead of his own, suddenly much happier to be awake at such a god awful hour. he curled his body up, nestling into the sheets and taking in the scent of his boyfriend. is it weird, to be comforted by something as simple as a scent? he wasn’t sure, but he knew that yuto’s made him feel at ease and somehow pulled him back to sleep. in no time, he was out, still missing the true warmth of his yuto.

yuto had gone up to use the bathroom, careful to close the door when he left and lock it when he returned. he couldn’t help the wide smile that crossed his face when he saw kino curled up in his spot on the bed. he crawled under the blanket and wrapped his limbs around him, strong arms holding the boy close and legs coming up to curl perfectly under his. somehow, this was the most perfect kang hyunggu he had ever seen: messy bedhead, shirt twisted and shorts pulled up too far, drool still falling out of his mouth, completely serene as he slept. gently moving his bangs away, he kissed kino’s forehead and whispered a small, “good night, angel,” before settling back into sleep, hoping not to wake again till he heard the birds singing.


End file.
